Fumbling Forward

You may not have noticed, but I didn’t post a single blog post last week. This is the fist time since starting this blog that I’ve done that – not posted without a heads up and a reason (ex: a holiday or vacation).

On one hand, I’m trying to navigate how to do this whole DIY/ Home blogger thing when 100% of my budget for the summer is going towards removing a tree in my back yard (we’re looking at almost $3,000 for the tree and stump removal – ouch!). And I firmly believe that respecting my budget is respecting myself, so I’m not willing to pull from my savings on this considering this isn’t an emergency situation. So figuring out how to continue to create content and show up everyday adding value without any projects going on has been a head scratcher. But this isn’t the only reason I’ve struggled to show up.

My life is in transition in a few ways and I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about all the different moving pieces yet… and I made a commitment to myself when I started this blog to show up with authenticity and openness. I want to celebrate all the good and fun things in life but I also want to be honest about the hard and messy parts as well. I want to crack the door open to my healing process, and in cracking open that door I hope to de-stigmatize divorce and singleness. I also wouldn’t mind abolishing the idea that us ladies need a big strong man to take care of us. I want to give everyone who sees my page abundant permission to love and celebrate themselves. And I have a commitment to myself to maintain my own boundaries. So how do I do all of this in real time while I’m processing some big stuff in my life?

I don’t know yet. I’m still figuring it out.

When I say “transition” I’m referring to change. And even good change costs a great deal of energy. I’m not going to lie to you, there are a lot of areas in my life that are “transitioning” and they are taking up about 85% of my mental energy these days. I’ve been less than graceful learning how to show up here, giving you the pieces of my heart that I’m willing to give, while allowing myself the time and space to process and adapt to the areas I’m not ready to show. And honestly, I’m probably going to continue to be less than graceful.

I’m not changing any of the missions that I strive towards here, but as I continue to grow and life continues to march on, (also remembering that I am a one woman show over here) I’m going to fumble the ball a time or two. That’s completely natural and completely human. I hope that as you watch me stumble forward clumsily, you give yourself permission to do the same. Perfection is a myth. Let’s all just strive for the best we have to offer, even if it’s ungraceful. Let’s celebrate forward motion, even in its imperfection.Especially in its imperfection.

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