With the sunlight sticking around a little bit longer and the temperatures rising a little bit more, I’m finding myself coming back to life. I’m stopping and smelling the roses. I’m slowing down and I’m enjoying the moment.
I’ve written about this several times, but I have a bit of a track record for forgetting to slow down. For wearing myself into the ground. For not allowing myself to rest. I’ve been wrestling with this part of who I am for a while. Why am I like this? Where is this coming from? What am I trying to prove? It might be a little bit of learned behavior from a rather intense father, and it might be a need to prove my worth…but to whom, I don’t know. All in all, it’s a lot and I know that if I don’t deal with this now, I’m going to make myself miserable. I’m going to squelch the passion that I have today.
At the end of 2020, I put my foot down and decided that I wanted to be all in with Reclaiming Lacy. I wanted to give this my 100% and just see what happens. I busted into the new year like the Cool-Aid man and I haven’t let up since. And it’s been pretty awesome to see the results from that much hard work — the fruits of my labor are plain as day! And while all winter I’ve been kicking ass and taking names on the blog front, there has been a pile of unopened mail that has been growing for an embarrassing amount of time. My email inbox has been at a number I haven’t even wanted to look at. In other words, this isn’t ideal. This isn’t balanced. I know I can do everything I’ve been doing but maybe a bit slower and with a better presence of mind. With a less frantic energy. With balance.
With the changing of the seasons, I am noticing a shift in me. My pace is slower in a really good way. Yesterday I actually went through that pile of unopened mail. I filed paperwork and I answered emails. I sat outside in the sunlight and I wrote this blog post. No, I didn’t make crazy headway on my kitchen but I made headway in my life and it feels so good. I’m slowing down and I’m teaching myself how to balance my new life. It’s okay that it’s been an ungraceful process, the learning curve was always going to be steep. But I’m happy to report that I am making progress.