Oh man. Rest. This one is a hard one for me. Honestly, this is a bigger problem for me than the whole not asking for help thing.
While I thank my lucky stars that I have a job, it is not a dream job. And the hours are… less than ideal. There is an inevitable level of stress and sadness that comes with working crazy hours and I will admit this has had an effect on my mental health. In other words, even though I’m grateful for it, I don’t foresee this being a permanent position for me.
But you want to know what brings me to life? What brings me deep joy? The thing that gets me out of bed with actual enthusiasm?
Creating a space for myself that feels safe and comforting and inspiring to me. Using my creativity in a way that physically and psychologically effects my everyday life. Using my creative mind and my physical body to think up and then build a space that nurtures my little world. I love doing this stuff so much that I makes my eyes well up with tears as I write this! I feel a passion for this like I haven’t felt for a creative endeavor in… maybe my whole life.
So I started a blog! Naturally! With all of this passion and enthusiasm, a blog was an obvious decision. And I love this too! I love to write about my projects and my experiences. I love to share with you my story. I don’t know how to put into words how healing all of this has been for me. I never want to quit. It’s only been two months and this has already become a part of who I am and I’m leaning into it with all of my body weight. I can’t explain it, I just know in my gut that I’m on the right path here. Where this path is taking me, I have no idea. But I am certain that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. This is where I am supposed to be.
Now let’s review: I work full-time hours. I have a blog that I am taking seriously. I am actively trying to grow on social media (as my blog and my Instagram go hand-in-hand and I hope that both will take off some day). Oh and I teach group fitness classes on the side. So I have 3 jobs. Two of them are full-time. I’m exhausted.
After a super fun and random little anxiety attack or two, it has become very clear that I need to make some adjustments in my life. I’m waking up at 7 every morning and getting my home projects underway. Mid to late afternoon, I log into work. When I log off of work I either high-tail it to the yoga studio where I teach or I stay up super late writing my blog posts or continuing my home projects. I usually go to bed anywhere from midnight to 2AM. I can’t keep going at this rate. Something’s gotta give…
And that’s a decision that only I can make. This is a crossroads that only I can navigate. But, in it’s absence, I am becoming acutely aware of how important rest is.
Rest, reset, refresh. I am working to let these be my new priorities.