The ceiling in my office. *insert a face palm here*
Sit back, children, as I tell you the tail of my personal Odyssey.
It was a warm September day. Long before, I had embarked on a journey of remodeling my home office. The walls were painted, shelves were hung, and a desk was built. Bright eyed and bushy tailed, I was buzzing with the pride of all of my recent accomplishments. I was ready to take on a new challenge… the ceiling.
I was inspired by a beautiful photo that I found of an office that the great Erin Gates had decorated and I decided my ceiling just had to have stars on it. I found a gorgeous light fixture to replace the ceiling fan and started on this new leg of my adventure.
First order was to remove the fan. This old and ugly fan had an old and ugly decorative plate around the ceiling mount. I didn’t think much of it, as it would be in the trash soon enough. I took a deep breath, I climbed the ladder, and I removed the ceiling fan while singing *NSYNC’s hit song from the year 2000, “Bye Bye Bye”. Pleased with myself, I climbed back up the ladder to remove the decorative plate. I wrapped my little fingers around the edges, I wiggled the plate, I felt it separate from the ceiling and I pulled. Off it came to reveal… a huge, undeniable hole in the ceiling. My jaw and my heart dropped. I sat down on my ladder and stared up at the abyss.
I was deflated… but I wasn’t defeated.
After yelling a few cuss words into the air at whoever installed the fan, I took to the internet. I weighed my options, I made my decision, and marched myself to the hardware store. A friend lent me some left-over drywall, I bought myself some spackle and a putty knife and I got back to work. Nothing was going to get in the way of the starry vision I had for this space. No, I had never done anything like this before, but I was a woman on a mission. I measured, I cut, I filled, I spackled, and I sanded. Finally I was back in business.
Except now, thanks to my (ahem, expertly executed) patch in the ceiling, I was going to have to paint the entire thing white in order to make the new patch blend in. I’ll admit, I was growing weary but I didn’t stop. I found an old bucket of white paint from when I first moved in, and I painted the whole thing. Now the patch in the ceiling was hidden to perfection. I might have been sore and I might have been tired but I was finally back on track. Nothing could stop me now. I had an Erin Gates level ceiling to attain. I collected my gumption and got back to the original goal – stars.
Yes, the stars took me longer than I expected them to but I stayed true to my course. I found myself downtrodden at times but with the help and encouragement of a fellow comrade, I made it through. I bought my light fixture, I anxiously awaited its arrival, and celebrated with glee when I discovered the package on my front porch. I opened the box, I squealed when I first saw its beauty and I climbed back onto my ladder for what I thought would be the very last time.
But, oh fiends, it would not be my last journey up the ladder. I connected the positive wires, I connected the negative wires, I connected the grounding wire, and I screwed the ceiling mount to the junction box…only to discover that the junction box was protruding so much that my new and beautiful light fixture appeared to be floating about a half an inch from the ceiling.
I had maintained my moral throughout this perilous and fateful leg of my journey. I did not lose hope when I discovered a chasm in my ceiling, I did not loose hope when the stars took twice as long as I had expected, but this half inch… it was too much for me to take. I scrunched up my face. I waved my fists. I yelled more cuss words at this house’s previous handyman…
Before I go on, I must tell you, this story does not end in sorrow, my friends. There is light at the end of this long and dark tunnel. In my hour of need, manna fell from the heavens… a friend with a 3D printer reached out to tell me he could print a ring to fill the gap. Salvation.
He printed it to match the gap. I painted it to match the fixture. Nervously, I climbed the ladder, praying this would be my final journey to the ceiling of my office. I connected the wires again, I attached the fixture to the junction box again, and I stood back to asses.
Victory was mine! With the help of my friends, I had finally conquered this arduous leg of my journey. I had slain the dragon. The challenges were overcome.
I can finally announce to you that the ceiling is now completely FINISHED!
*An uproar of applause fills the theater as Lacy theatrically bows to her audience*